


Liesssssss my mind told me

by TuesdayWithSunrise



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Comfort, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 05:51:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19846915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuesdayWithSunrise/pseuds/TuesdayWithSunrise
Summary: Aziraphale fears that he was the longest con of the Wiley Serpent.





	Liesssssss my mind told me

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t imagine being Aziraphale and the sense of loss that comes with the angels wanting war so badly. 
> 
> If he and Crowley are the good guys and Crowley is wiley, then is Zira just a fool?

Zira had moments after the almost-aclypse that would have looked like depression to the neighbors. Six thousand years of believing you were one of millions of “good guys” and then finding out you weren’t using the same definition of “good guys” takes a toll. 

Zira and Crowley saw each other every day, and spent many nights together but in the end decided that living together wasn’t something they were interested in. Opposites might attract but they can rarely agree on a sofa. 

When Crowley had been turned away for the third day in a row he went over anyway. With a snap of his fingers he slid into the darkened bookstore. When he heard the sniffling and noticed the chair turned toward the wall he rushed to Zira’s side. 

“Angel, are you having dark days again?” His arms slid down the angel’s arms and the muscles took on the serpent quality of contracting evenly for the gentle compression. 

“Of course my dark days would bring you so joyfully to my side. So stupid. How could someone so smart be so stupid?”

“Angel” Crowley’s hand moved to the base of Zira’s neck to tangle with the soft curls that were, quite unusually, matted. “You were watching over the humans like the almighty said, you couldn’t have kn...”

“Not THEM. YOU! I can’t believe... I TRUSTED YOU, for far longer than I would say at the time for MILLENNIA I trusted you and then. This. You have broken me.” Having stood up and jabbed Crowley in the chest with a finger, Zira now crumpled to the floor and wept. 

Crowley didn’t understand. He stepped back, having so rarely seen such a ragefull fire in the angel’s eyes. He looked around the room trying to see if there was a clue about the cause of his broken weeping lover. There wasn’t. Without knowing what to say or do, he knelt down on the floor. “Please precious, help me understand”

“You tempted me. Over and over for millennia. It just dawned on me that you did to me what you did to everyone, you asked questions. From ‘where is your sword?’ to ... well ... everything. Always a question, just waiting to see how far I was willing to stray. My family is gone. I’m not anything anymore. You laid down the breadcrumbs and like a fool I followed them. In the end, even when I should adore no false gods I chose a demon over the almighty. Quite a feather I suppose, I bet I was quite a laugh at the report outs. You would talk about selfies or some such thing you were just taking false credit for and then tell a quick story about how you had an angel making you meringue with just a hint of lemon because you mentioned you’d seen it on the telly. Who laughed the most? You? Them?” 

Crowley, under the weight of the accusations, had moved into the corner and into the darkness. He hunkered low to the ground, coiled and hiding while still shaped like a man. 

“The thing is” Zira continued, “that you really are quite good. So often looking like things caused you pain. The flood, the way humans treated elephants, the turtles with the plastic engrained in their shells. I thought ... I thought you could love but that you were afraid to. That you did love but you had to lie to stay safe. I thought I was ... never mind. Now though. You don’t have to pretend anymore. They aren’t watching. There are no more points to be gained at my expense. I’m alone in the universe. You won. Evil triumphs.”

“Depressssssssion liesssssssssss” Crowley, a mass of tenderness, anxiety, anger, and comfort had stopped putting effort into his shape. His head was fairly serpentine which drew out his ‘s’ sounds. The tongue helped to smell and make sure Zira was uncorrupted by any other powers. His torso remained fairly human but with the serpentine muscle contractions in his arms giving the appearance of breath in them. His legs had a rabbit / kangaroo quality to them, poised to jump and run towards Zira but not ready to yet. He looked, frankly, a mess and when Zira first looked up to listen there was a hint of laughter in his eyes. Quickly taken over by defeat. 

“Yes. I ask questions. I once asked the almighty why we weren’t allowed to experience bonding in the ways that albatross and swans and humans do. I asked why elephants mourned and dogs reveled in reunion and we were designed to never experience a private joke whispered by a lover on the pillow next to us. They sent me away. I fell because I wanted to know a private type of love.”

He continued, “I was allowed to be on earth, so independent for so long because Lucifer knew my deepest longing was a private love. He knew us above, he saw that you were here, he provided my torture in the shape of an angel that couldn’t love me back.”

Zira was leaned against the chair, swollen and red and damp with tears. His eyes were wide and darting around as he tried to put the pieces together. 

Having opened this door in his heart, Crowley went on, “Before we saw each other at the Blitz I had been trying to figure out how to talk to you again. You never asked how I knew you were there, you never felt my presence the way I feel yours. Ask me any day all throughout time and I can tell you where you were - even when we weren’t speaking. And now I am afraid that my torture will be you sending me away. That in all of time and space my pleasure in the universe will be counted in months that we have had like this. That your depression will lie to you, convince you that you’ve never seen me make an honest move, and that my past will ruin my future with you at my side. And even if that happens I will keep with me the night that you whispered in my ear and we laid next to each other. Please Angel, please know that the only honest thing I’ve ever done is try to show you my heart”. He was completely man shaped, slouched onto the floor, looking spent and broken. 

Zira gathered himself and stood, walked to Crowley with a hand extended and helped him up. Silently they went into the kitchen and Zira poured each of them a scotch while the kettle got heated for tea. 

“You never told me how you fell. Thank you. And I’m sorry I didn’t feel you until much later than you could feel me. I just feel so foolish for believing. I don’t want you to go, I just miss the idea of my family, the way I imagined them to be.”

“I have been thinking, we do need a bigger family. And if the Really Big One is humanity against heaven and earth then humanity needs some teamwork training. Maybe that is the ineffable plan. We could start small, like climate change. A miracle here, some temptation there ... maybe we can get them working together. When you’re back on your feet again of course.” With that, Crowley threw back his scotch and tried to find a neutral face. 

Zira saw the hope and longing. “Well. I suppose, but for a quick fun thing, can we actually MAKE a farm for old dogs to go to first?”

Crowley took a long breath, the storm had passed, they had weathered it together. They were ok.


End file.
